Monday, September 30, 2019

Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast: ‘Halloween Treats’

Trick or treat, trick or treat, listen to something good to eat.

To hear the latest episode of the "Jack-o'-Lantern Press Podcast" on Apple Podcasts, click HERE.

To hear it on Spotify, click HERE.

But get yourself some of your favorite delicious Halloween treats first!

Friday, September 27, 2019

Becca Banshee 1825-2019

Becca Banshee died in her mist early this morning. Becca, who, like all banshees, is known for traveling through mist, was, according to reports, traveling through too much of the stuff, she couldn’t see, she tripped, hit her head, was whaling (before and after the fall), and bystanders thought she was just whaling as banshees do, so they went on their way while yelling for her to shut the hell up — like usual — and, without any medical attention, she perished. Many of Becca’s banshee sisters showed up on the scene to see her spirit carried away. They wouldn’t stop whaling. Enough already.

Charlie Chupacabra 1995-2019

The G.O.A.T. of all goatsuckers is dead. Charlie Chupacabra died in an epic battle late last night at The Alamo. Bad guys had been picking off more inferior goatsuckers in the area for weeks, and just when we thought our chupacabra brethren had them outnumbered, a plot involving U.S. military and rounds and rounds of unnecessary fire power was hatched to hit us where it hurt — and boy did it hurt. They got Charlie in the process. More and more G.O.A.T.s are being bred every day. Sequels are in our future.

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Star Sightings: Freddy Krueger

TWO THREE, BETTER COUNT THOSE SHEEP — Razor-gloved slasher psycho Freddy Krueger was seen last night at a Downtown Transylveinya watering hole having a few drinks with some counting sheep. Sources said at one point in the evening, he had his arm around one of the wooly animals and was singing along with Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams.”

Star Sightings: The Bride

SKSKSKSKSKSKSK — The Bride of Frankenstein was seen this morning in Beverly Hills, CA, getting a perm. Sources said that when a nearby hairdresser dropped her hydro flask, The Bride called her a VSCO girl, then began making the sound, “Sksksksksksk” and shouting “And I oop, and I oop.” Shortly after, The Bride went on a rampage about how the world needs to save the turtles by adopting metal straws.

Star Sightings: Bigfoot again

STILL IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA — Bigfoot, who’s recently been spending time in Big Bear, was spotted today at Disneyland riding the Matterhorn Bobsleds. Several guests claimed he growled at the growling abominable snowman as his train passed the audio animatronic figure. The yeti (the real one, not the animatronic one) also got a little ticked at the end of the ride when his train splashed into the water and he got wet.

Friday, September 20, 2019

Still trying to storm Area 51?

For those still thinking of storming Area 51, here’s a past episode of the “Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast” on the subject:

Apple Podcast users click HERE.

Spotify users click HERE.

Then, when you get inside the gates, here’s another episode on alien encounters:

Apple Podcast users click HERE.

Spotify users click HERE.