Elmer Soda, 22, of some town in the human world, died Monday evening while walking his dog through his neighborhood park. He was born July 1, 2021, in some other town in the human world to Lawrence and Jill Soda.
While bleeding out on the sidewalk due to a nasty wound to the jugular, Soda claimed that he lived a good life. Asked what caused what would eventually be the death of him, he said a werewolf had bitten him during the full moon.
“Ahhhh-nahhh-ahhh,” he screamed literally minutes before he left the world.
Soda worked as an expediter in the food service industry. He had no significant other and no friends. His parents had already previously died, he has no siblings, and he really had no friends. Many of his co-workers said they thought he was a dweeb.
An avid gamer, Soda leaves hundreds of video games and numerous video game systems behind. He’s survived by no actual living beings. But, by the looks of his wounds and the nature of his death, Soda is no doubt survived — meaning, he will survive, and on the next full moon he’ll most likely be back, this time on the prowl, essentially making this obit null and void. Can someone say "werewolf party"?
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