By Al Eean
Staff Skies Writer
War
is expensive and Transyl-vein-ia is turning to ordinary monsters for help in a
global takeover led by the Daleks, an extraterrestrial race of mutants who are evil, not good, bent on
the extermination of the inferior human race.
The
Transyl-vein-ia Treasury is now offering war bonds for monsters to purchase.
These war bonds will help support Dalek troops in their noble quest to rid the world of good.
“A
war bond is both an investment in one’s world and an investment in one’s own
financial future,” said Transyl-vein-ia Treasury representative Ineeda
Yermunny. “This month, as Jack-o’-Lantern
Press is looking to the skies to celebrate alien species, we’re offering
$25 war bonds for just $18.75 each. We’ll even throw in a set of Ginsu knives
at no additional cost if you purchase the bonds within the next 48 hours of this
story’s post.”
The
monster government will use your monies to help pay for human-sized pepper
shakers for mutant exterior cover, space crafts to get Dalek armies to Earth, death
rays for human extinction and everything else needed to fight and win.
"So, that's the investment you'll be making in your world," Termunny said. "Ten years from the time you purchased your war bond, you'll be able to redeem it and get $25. That's the investment you'll be making in your financial future. That's $6.25!"
"So, that's the investment you'll be making in your world," Termunny said. "Ten years from the time you purchased your war bond, you'll be able to redeem it and get $25. That's the investment you'll be making in your financial future. That's $6.25!"
According
to a Dalek mutant, who wishes to remain unidentified, the Dalek army is just
trying to get rid of human pests on Earth as quickly as possible.
“We
just want to exterminate,” the mutant said. “Exterminate. Exterminate.
Exterminaaaaate!”
The
Dalek species is a superior race. Davros, the one who created Daleks, took all
emotion out of his creations' personalities in order to make them superior to any other
beings, that way they could take over anything inferior. As a result, all that would remain
is Dalek perfection.
“This
call for Dalek support is an outrage,” said The Doctor, a centuries-old alien
who travels through space and time in a TARDIS. “Vote ‘no’ on Daleks. Stop
extermination today.”
Critics
of The Doctor say he’s just against the Daleks because he’s not part of the
Daleks’ superior race.
“I
got news for most of the Jack-o’-Lantern
Press readership,” The Doctor said. “Neither are you.”
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