Mad Science District ‘Hidden Harms’ -- a well-substantiated explanation

By The Mad Scientist

Columnist

It’s important to note that deep in the heart of the Mad Science District lie the defining characteristics of this great land, yet they’re not so easy to find.

Before getting started, I’d grab a snow cone or two from Hyde Hospital, Morgue and Snow Cone Shop. So good. They’ll keep you going. Then hop on the moving sidewalk. If you haven’t noticed already, they run the length, width, depth and height (for the floating homes) of the entire district.

Take Sidewalk R1027 to Doom Drive. You’ll quickly be able to deduce that it’s our retail and residential area. Look, if you’re already sold on the place, check into the Unreal Estate Offices and get the process started. There are so many great TooSmart Homes with robot landscaping, defense canons and more that recently went on the market. You might even find a nice starter floater home that you’ll see in the sky above the street.

If you’re not in the market yet or if you’re still evaluating the area, then it’s safe to conclude that you need some more convincing. So, right there on Doom Drive, find a tiny little building that you’d miss if your sidewalk was moving too fast called Evil-More Shopping Mart. It’s got all kinds of gadgets, gears, lasers, resonators, induction coils and some of the coolest surgeon head mirrors you’ll find anywhere.

Don’t be put off by the size of the exterior. The guys who designed it used a space-creating component inside that really opened up the sales floor, and there’s enough stuff in there to excite even those mad men and women who use science for good, not evil.

After checking out the selection of drones, probes and gadget goods, you might find you’ve built up quite the appetite.

Take Sidewalk M1215 to the PB & B Sandwich Shop on Blob Way. I prefer the strawberry blob on my sandwiches. But they also have booberry blob, grrrrr-ape blob, which is basically banana-flavored, and very scary blob.

While you’re on Blob Way, check out the Blob Bounce House. It’s never really busy because guests typically don’t bounce. The Blob usually sucks them up. I don’t recommend waiting a half-hour after eating your sandwich to go play there. If you wait, you won’t get any cramps, and that’s no fun.

One of the most underrated and out-of-the-way things to do in the Mad Science District is a visit to the Jet Pack Shack at the Robot Ranch. I suppose its unpopularity is due to the fact that many of the jet packs peter out at about 18,000 feet, sending jet-packers packing. There’s also a problem with hitting zeppelins, which regularly fill our skies in the Mad Science District -- those are for technical reasons I can’t explain.

The Factories is an out-of-the-way fun spot. They’re not really for visitors to see, but if you ask around, one of the robots on the street will show you how to get there. These facilities pump out more robots than anywhere on the planet in any dimension -- servant robots, military-grade robots, humanoid robots, robotic flies, robotic snakes, robotic fish, unmanned surface vehicles, unmanned aerial vehicles and even robotic intelligence command centers for the upcoming robot uprising. Stop by and get a shirt that says, “My other robot has laser vision.”

Then head over to the Testing Grounds next door. They’re toxic, but I’d recommend checking them out for sure, just so you can see how some of these robots think, move and destroy. Many of them explode and fail. It happens, but no worry, there are plenty more robots where they came from.

In the event a robot spots you, and it’s in attack mode, you might be in some real danger. In that case, you might want to do your homework on how to survive a robot attack before going. See The Brain at Brain Books on Brain Street. He’ll be able to bring up the best books for beating ‘bots.

The Mad Scientist writes a column for Jack-o’-Lantern Press called, “Letters from the Lab.” Be sure to look for it in October when our regular news coverage continues.