Mad Science District ‘Rot Spots’ -- where evil feels best

By The Mad Scientist

Columnist

I know evil. And the Mad Science District is the place to be if you want to try to take over the world.

There are some definite spots to check out when you visit. (Word to the wise: Mind thy step. Escape mutant lab rats run rampant in these parts.)

Years ago, when I first got here, I came in a straight jacket and got a firsthand look at Hyde Hospital, Morgue and Snow Cone Shop on Jekyll Drive. (If you haven’t had the snow cones there, please do yourself a favor and get at least two. You’ll go mad for them.) The entire facility was breeding (and still breeds) pure and awesome evil.

It was there I was able to piece together a Who’s Who of crazed individuals with world domination on their minds. And once we all got out of our hospital attire, we made the Mad Science District what it is today.

Before the International Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Mad Scientists (Local 666) could play God, we had to create a place to create. So in the beginning, we created Brain Street, Lab Lane and Doom Drive. These streets were formless and void, and darkness was all over the surface. We kinda liked that. But eventually we let there be light because we needed to see what the heck we were doing if we were going to plot evil schemes.

Once we had the real estate, we began developing places and resources so we could brainstorm ideas. These places thrive today and you can visit them.

Let’s start with the Bored Room at Bored Hall on Brain Street. The Bored Room, which fills all of Bored Hall, is for mad scientists to hold bored meetings. They go there bored and hope to come up with a plan of mass evil. When you visit, ask for a table near the white wall. It’s a great place to sit and be bored.

On Brain Street, you can also check out the brains at the Brain Barn. The Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Mad Scientists have been instrumental in keeping the Brain Barn stocked up with the biggest supply of abnormal brains this side of The Unknown, and you’ll want to see this selection before you leave the district or before you die, whichever comes first.

Then stop by Lab Lane. There, we mad scientists built enough lab space to plot and carry out plans to conquer at least 20 worlds. We strategically set the street in the middle of nowhere because we’re always exploding our facilities with plans gone wrong. Hey, it happens, and we have to rebuild.

Just take a look at the roller coasters we created at Gore Gardens in Shadow City -- they’re always crashing and burning and sending riders to their doom. And while that sounds like fun, we still only see the failure. But you can’t have progress without failure.

In our labs, we let visitors push our buttons. You don’t think mad scientists do anything else, do you?  And we don’t follow rules either. That red button that says “DO NOT PRESS” is even up for grabs. If you’re an aspiring evildoer, we especially welcome you to hit any and all buttons.

There are some areas in some labs that are off limits to you, but, then again, if you’re an aspiring evildoer, feel free to break in and pull levers, mix potions, throw switches and futz around with body parts and cables on our experiments. We’ve rebuilt before, we can rebuild again.

If there are any junior mad scientists in the group, cut over to Bring-A-Bear-To-Life Workshop on Doom Drive. Bring-A-Bear-To-Life was born from an idea that founder Mad Scientist Jr. and her friend Frankie -- who was 10 years old at the time -- had while out shopping for man-made bear monsters. When they couldn’t find the creations that Frankie wanted, Mad Jr. told Frankie, “These are so easy. We can make these ourselves.” She meant to do a craft project, but what Frankie heard was to do something so much bigger.

And so, Bring-A-Bear-To-Life Workshop was born, and so are so many man-made bear monster creations every day.

Junior crazies go into a big bin and pick the unstuffed bear or furry creature skin of choice. They stuff it, fluff it, choose clothing and accessories for it, fill out the critter’s information in a computer database, and then they run 50,000 volts through the thing and watch it come to life. It’s great fun. And sometimes some junior scientists explode the facilities with too many volts or too many monster bears, and we have to rebuild. It happens and it’s all in good fun.

There are so many other things and places to check out in the Mad Science District. The above are only a few. I’ll cover some of the more hidden charms of the area in tomorrow’s entry. Until then, keep on evildoing, evildoers.

The Mad Scientist writes a column for Jack-o’-Lantern Press called, “Letters from the Lab.” Be sure to look for it in October when our regular news coverage continues.