Friday, September 6, 2019

Book Excerpt: The Junkyard

Below is an excerpt from Jack-o’-Lantern Press’s book, “Transylveinya Traveler: A Travel Guide for Monsters, Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies, Demons … And Mad Scientists, Too.” 

To purchase the book, go to Or click HERE.

For those of you giant killer insects out there looking for a big bite to eat, buzz on over to The Junkyard on Insect Centre Drive. The Junkyard is an eatery that offers up everything from tasty motorcycles and vans that roving gangs have stripped bare of parts, to mouthwatering sedans and trucks that are only recently no longer in operation.

The place is still somewhat new, but it’s already gaining a reputation as the best bite in town for ginormous bugs looking for a hearty breakfast, lunch or dinner. And do you hear that pulsating high-pitched screeching sound (the one those giant horrible ants make in the 1954 film “Them!”)? That means it’s time to eat!

“I have a huge appetite for Volkswagen Beetles,” said an enormous beetle who lives in town. “My wife never serves the stuff. She thinks it’s cannibalistic since we share the same name, but, you know, it’s totally different. That’s fine, though, because The Junkyard has the best Beetles I’ve ever tasted, most of them with less than 100,000 miles on them, so I’ll just keep going there when my appetite’s on the loose.”

The Junkyard also delivers its wrecks. They have a fleet of car carriers that can transport up to 10 vehicles at a time to your hive or nest, perfect for those of you lazy bugs with the biggest appetites.

Here are a few regular items on the menu:

Crashed-Up Hondas with Pasta
Freshly Beat Toyotas
Smoked Volvos

Engine-Fried Fords
Chevy Slammedwiches
Boneyardless Infinitys
*Not always available since these “boneyardless” vehicles are, as their name states, transient

Braised BMWs
Mashed-Up Mercedeses
Maseratis al Dented

Creamed Mazda Pie
Mini Coopers á la mode

To see The Junkyard’s daily fresh catches from Hell’s Highway (you might learn more about this stretch of road soon), check the Travel Tragedies section of the newspaper for newly crashed vehicles.

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