Haunted house for sale, not so haunted after all

By Homer Sweethom

Staff Squeal Estate Writer

The haunted house on Elm Lane in Natchez, MS, has been put on the market. Sources said the place isn’t haunted.

For years, people have lived there in total peace.

“It’s really ridiculous,” said a retired ghost who used to haunt the residence some hundred years ago. “The place is beautiful—it’s awful!”

According to experts, a ghost does, in fact, reside there, but he doesn’t care to do anything with the space he's got. No moans, no groans, not even a tune on the old pipe organ in the big sitting room downstairs.

“We can’t give this dump away,” said the local ghost foreman. “Every spirit is afraid to hide out in such an immaculate dwelling. Not even one cobweb in the whole manor. Pathetic.”

To make matters worse, one of those home makeover TV shows is reportedly going to the location next week to make it even worse so the owners of the property can raise the price.

“They might as well just level it,” the local ghost foreman said. “At least then we wouldn’t have to look at all that dreaded splendor.”