Not-so-bright werewolf holds garage sale, uses proceeds to buy new jacket

A Transyl-vein-ia Hills werewolf sold his shredded clothes in a garage sale yesterday morning and used the proceeds to buy a new, name-brand jacket.

Will Woof, 23, is a born werewolf who devoured his parents when he was 4 years old. Experts suggest he’s kind of an idiot.

“Obviously his parents never got around to teaching him about taking off his clothes before the full moon rises,” said longtime neighbor and electrified creature Dynamo Dan. “Even I know clothing rarely stays intact during a werewolf transformation, and that’s saying a lot because my antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels, if you know what I mean.”

Woof said he had a great turnout at his garage sale, and added that monsters were happy to pay three and five dollars for torn-up shirts and pants.

“This is an Armani,” he told the JLP last night while posing with the jacket only moments before turning into a werewolf and eating the jacket like it was a mini frankfurter. “I like to look good.”

Barbershop patrons said he looked like a fool when he dropped the rest of his garage sale dough on a shave and a haircut early this morning before coming out of his werewolf stupor.

-Larry Talbot