Mummy tired of being called 'not scary,' goes on really slow-moving rampage

King Rut the mummy became angry last night when, during breakfast in the monster commissary at the Transyl-vein-ia Institute of Monsters, his fellow creatures of the night began ridiculing him for being slow and not very scary at all, which then led to them throwing banana peels, half-eaten cupcakes and yogurt at him. 

Rut said he’d “get them” as he wiped blueberry Yoplait off his bandages, and then he spent the next four to six minutes trying to get up out of his seat to make good on his promise.

“Let’s face it,” said longtime associate Dracula. “Mummies are just not frightening. They’re slow. They fall to dust if you so much as tap them. I mean, come on, they’re no bloodsuckers. Even The Blob is scarier, and he’s just a big piece of Jell-O on the move.”

While monsters filed out of the commissary to go to work, Rut shouted at them to wait. He hadn’t even left his table when he claimed revenge would be his.

Unfortunately, this story is unfolding at such a slow pace that there's nothing further to report as of yet . . .