Book Excerpt: Fearword

Below is an excerpt from Jack-o’-Lantern Press’s book, “Transylveinya Traveler: A Travel Guide for Monsters, Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies, Demons … And Mad Scientists, Too.” 

To purchase the book, go to JackoLanternPress.com. Or click HERE. 

We monsters appreciate all your support, and kindly ask that you rate and review the book. Enjoy!

FEARWORD

By Dracula

As reigning President of Transylveinya, I highly recommend travel to this great land. Therefore, since this is (probably) the only existing guide to the monster universe, I suppose I have to recommend this volume as well, even if it is a little shoddy and lacking in the good kind of bad taste we monsters crave.

If you’re a monster, a mere monstrosity, a Halloweeniac or just a weirdo and utter sick puppy with a need to learn more about the inhuman condition, this book is for you, and you’ll be in bad company. Sure, we of the monster community can be horrifying individually, preying upon weak humans and whatnot, as you’ve no doubt seen in old movies like “Frankenstein” (1931), “The Wolf Man (1941) and, of course, everyone’s favorite, “Dracula” (1931) — what a masterpiece. But it’s monster togetherness that is of so AH!mazing! It’s that monster bond you feel on Halloween night, roaming the streets with your fellow spooks. It’s that monster family feeling you see in those paper decorations of haunted houses with creatures of different regions creeping from each window and each door. And it’s the joy you encounter in monster mash-up movies like “Goosebumps” (2015), “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” (1948) or “Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween” (2018).

This book, then, packed with stories big and small, hairy and scary with warts and all, pieced together like Frankenstein’s Monster, is a tribute to Halloween and a celebration of popular monster arts and culture. Consider this travel guide a tool to recognize and promote our rich heritage and customs (monster holidays, bad recipes and any of the traditional ethnic cuisine from Transylveinya’s 13 districts), and we hope to inspire camp followers to keep our values and culture alive. “It’s ALIVE!”

The contents within come from those friendly weirdos at Jack-o’-Lantern Press (or JLP at JackoLanternPress.com), your online news and entertainment source for monsters, by monsters. As ambassadors of the monster universe, those from JLP hope to share this world from waaaaay back, all the way through the ages, from those early Universal movies of the 1930s, ‘40s and ‘50s (did I already mention the 1931 “Dracula”?) to the Hammer Horror films of the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s (like 1958’s “Horror of Dracula,” 1960’s “The Brides of Dracula,” 1972’s “Dracula A.D.” and, yeah, some other movies that aren’t about me but are pretty good like 1957’s “The Curse of Frankenstein,” 1959’s “The Mummy” and 1964’s “The Gorgon”).

This book also draws upon the popular art and creative endeavors that came about during the “monster craze” in America (roughly between 1957 and 1972), the “monster resurgence” of the ‘80s and ‘90s with the creation of Cracked Monster Party magazine, and the latest “monster revolution” that began in the 2000s with author R.L. Stine’s Goosebumps universe, the “Hotel Transylvania” movie franchise and the monster and horror pictures of the day. The films, books, etc. referenced here by no means make up a definitive list, but they are among JLP’s favorites as they relate to your upcoming journey to Transyleveinya.

And if you’re into endless endeavors (and you probably are if you have any intentions of finishing this intimidating MONSTER of a book), check out the following items as companion pieces: Forrest J. Ackerman’s tribute to all things monster, Famous Monsters of Filmland magazine, John Landis’s fantastic book, “Monster in the Movies,” and Mark Voger’s book on the Monster Craze in America, “Monster Mash.” It wouldn’t hurt (even if you want it to) to also check out the Gaines family’s EC Comics’ “Tales from the Crypt,” “The Vault of Horror” and “The Haunt of Fear.” And, of course, R.L. Stine is an author all monster lovers must know.

There’s much ground to cover here, from creeks to seas, forests to jungles and haunted homes to the pinnacle of any Transylveinya traveler’s list, my castle, which you’ve no doubt seen in any given episode of my hit!!! reality series, “Real Drac’s Castlewives of The Carpathian Mountains.” So go hesitantly in the direction of your nightmares. And live the afterlife you’ve always dreaded.

By the way, you can catch “Real Drac’s Castlewives” Mondays at midnight on The Bride of Frankenstein’s BOF Network to see six of my real wives as they live, die, return from the dead and scare the lurkers in The Carpathian Mountains.

Now go.