Below is an excerpt from Jack-o’-Lantern
Press’s book, “Transylveinya Traveler: A
Travel Guide for Monsters, Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, Werewolves, Witches,
Zombies, Demons … And Mad Scientists, Too.”
To purchase the book, go to JackoLanternPress.com. Or click HERE.
We monsters appreciate all your support, and kindly ask that you rate and review the book. Enjoy!
To purchase the book, go to JackoLanternPress.com. Or click HERE.
We monsters appreciate all your support, and kindly ask that you rate and review the book. Enjoy!
GRINTRODUCTION
For those of you creatures
out there who are tired of magical sunsets on idyllic tropical beaches, clean,
fresh-air hikes through majestic mountains and the vibrant nightlife of cool,
cosmopolitan cities, it’s time to explore Transylveinya, a monster’s paradise
packed with dark and very alive graveyards, endless life-threatening jungles
and seedy metropolises with horrors around every corner.
There’s another monster
revolution upon us. Transylveinya travelers are popping up everywhere, coming through
various gateways (portals) from the human world, anxious to see the homes of
their great and not-so-great monster ancestors, eager to link up with long-lost
family members, rejoin the monster community, scare and be scared. Even humans
are finding their monster within and are using portals to try their luck in
this danger zone, seeking that sense of belonging. Even monsters living here
are doing more exploring of their own world.
From the pages of Jack-o’-Lantern
Press, your portal to the monster
community, this is your ultimate guide to Transylveinya. The top travel journalists of the
publication will take you on a tour of all 13 districts of our great land, and
they’ll help you to not only just survive to explore each district, but to
experience the ultimate finale in Jack-o’-Lantern Park.
They’ll first introduce you
to the leaders of each land (creatures and characters known as The
Transylveinya 13), so that you’ll know, based on who’s running things and where,
what to expect from the unexpected. You’ll find out what’s hot and what’s rot
in each district in the Rot Spots stories. Then you’ll learn about the more
charming places to visit and things to do in the Hidden Harms essays. To cap
off each adventure, you’ll discover the more serene locales in our Deceaseful
Settings stories. Throughout all these pages, Jack-o’-Lantern Press travel experts will offer up tips on what to
pack and how to dress, a list of must-have souvenirs to pick up, things to do
before passing on, informational tales about celebrated landmarks and places
for perfect photo ops, hometown recipes and historical highlights to help you
get unreasonably familiar with each area.
In the end, you won’t be
any more able to take on the horrors of Transylveinya, but by (not really) knowing
what to expect, you will be more terrified. And that makes all the difference.
Transylveinya was
discovered many centuries ago by The Founder. The Founder, who may or may not
still be around, is/was part vampire, part werewolf, created in what we would today
call a lab. He was hunted by angry villagers, caught, mummified and entombed
alive. Over 100 years later, tomb raiders unintentionally freed him. And he was
still not dead. So he destroyed them and then sought revenge on anyone who had
anything to do with his torture. Having accomplished that, he found himself
very alone.
In his search for a place
to spend his endless days and acquire an never-ending supply of blood for
sustenance, The Founder came upon a land in the middle of what was once known
as The Unknown. There he found a river of blood, what we know now to be the
Mighty Vein River (which at present stains all 13 districts of Transylveinya
before flowing out to the Blood Sea), and in the river he found enough blood
for three or maybe more abnormal lifetimes.
Due to this artery of red
liquid coursing right through the land, The Founder named the whole place
Transylveinya. Note the syllable “vein” in the name. We’re told The Founder is/was
a punster. He built his home — a large, crumbling, dusty, web-infested castle
(even when it was brand new) — high on a hilltop. The palace can still be
viewed in the far corner of the Transylveinya Pines gated community.
Over the years, The Founder
traveled the world, discovering other dimensions through the portals we still
use today, democratically terrorizing all forms of life, sucking up more blood,
and attracting other like-minded creatures on his way back home.
The monsters, ghouls, goblins
and witches who followed him back would stake out their own corners of
Transylveinya, gradually forming the 13 Districts of Transylveinya:
1)
Witches Meadow
2)
Downtown Transylveinya
3)
The Mad Science District
4)
Transylveinya Hills
5)
Werewolftown
6)
Bigfoot National Park
7)
The Carpathian Mountains
8)
Shadow City
9)
The Monster Islands (in the Blood Sea)
10)
The Black Lagoon
11)
Valley of Doom
12)
UFO Springs
13)
Jack-o’-Lantern Park
This
book should
shed a little darkness on each of those gloomy districts. We won’t cover all the things to do — the rare and
unusual shopping, the places not to eat or the pitiful lodging — but we’ll
highlight what we think is worth checking out on your own way to checking out.
(All other information, when in the monster universe only, can be found on the
Monster World Wide Web, mwww.InsertNameHere.mon. That’s “mon” for “monster,”
silly.)
Upon your transition from
one district to the next, you’ll receive a District Coin. Each coin is unique
to the district you just barely survived (if
you survive), imprinted with the bust of the leader of that district. Save
those woody wafer-like coins. You’ll need them for the aforementioned grand
finale of your journey in Jack-o’-Lantern Park, where, with those coins, you’ll
be allowed to climb up Jack-o’-Lantern Tree Hill and see the great
Jack-o’-Lantern Tree, the hill’s namesake and the source of all authentic Halloween
magic. You’ll not only view an amazing landmark there, but you might also be
able (mad scientists and evil villains pay close attention here) to harness the
fickle magic of the tree and take over the entire world.
Transylveinya
is a great big monstrously terrible land. But we still look forward to you
visiting. And to those of you who already reside in these parts, we look
forward to you getting to know where you “live” a little better.
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