Thursday, December 31, 2015

Zombies hope for apocalypse 2016

Zombies hope to finally seal the deal and finally take over the world come midnight tonight. According to a group of walkers outside the JLP Pumpkin Patch earlier today, it’s a “no-brainer.” There won’t be any brains left, they said, by the time the clock strikes 12.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Franken-Claws brings horrifying cheer, Grinch and Krampus also spotted this year

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, full of joy and cheer, and Franken-Claws did his best to terrify good little boys and girls who set out their Sant-o’-lanterns on Christmas Eve. According to sources, he left hundreds of thousands of packages filled with bugs and worms and other really cool things all kids love.

The Grinch made stops at houses around the globe as well. He had other plans. He stole people’s trees, bells, lights and elves, and also their ribbons, wrappings, trimmings and trappings. Then he took it 3,000 feet up, up the side of Mt. Crumpit, to the tiptop to dump it.

“I was thrilled to wake up and see what he took,” said Valencia, CA, resident Al Waysbizzy. “You know how long it would’ve taken me to pull all my decorations down and put it all away myself? Consider that job done.”

Krampus, the Christmas beast that destroys people who’ve misbehaved throughout the year, was spotted making his rounds on Dec. 24. According to authorities, however, all members of Congress are still accounted for. Critics say he may be getting too old for his job.