Thursday, August 26, 2021

Paper Skeleton knows his role

By Gil Lawg

Staff Ghoul Log Writer

If you were to remove just one component of a machine, that machine would not work. Even a seemingly insignificant part has its functions. Like the paper skeleton hung in the background of the 2019 soon-to-be-classic “Return of the Ghoul Log,” a Halloween interpretation of those video yule logs (or virtual fireplaces) that those in the human world often pull up on their TV sets to create atmosphere at Christmas parties. 

“Return of the Ghoul Log” can be seen on the Shudder horror streaming service, and it features a flickering jack-o’-lantern in a little room or magical Halloween parlor full of spooky toys and weird objects. One of those objects is a full-size paper skeleton, in this case Peter Paper Skeleton, who is mere background in the hour-long video, but who plays a critical role in the atmosphere that folks can bring into their homes to help get them in the right mood for the Halloween season.

“I realize Jack O. Lantern the jack-o’-lantern is the star of this production,” Paper Skeleton said, “but it’s the accompanying skull and prop owl and creepy-ringing rotary telephone and animated toy trick-or-treaters and wood letters that form into the word ‘redrum’ that make the magic happen. It’s the spooky sounds you might hear on a Halloween sound effects album -- the wind, the rain, the thunder, the creepy stingers, the sound of a grandfather’s clock and the radio with no reception; it’s hearing glass break and blood drip or water drip from water torture; it's the bangs, the laughs, the growl of power tools. You’ll see a snake, evil dolls, little ghosts, a toddler’s wooden block with the words from the nursery rhyme ‘Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater’ on it -- no relation. Just hordes and hordes of little creepies. And then there’s me!”

Paper Skeleton comes from a long line of Beistle die-cut hang-up skeletons. His kind has been dressing up the Halloween season, adorning hallways, windows, front doors and the walls of classrooms in the human world, and providing that “homey” feel so many monsters in the monster world desire in their castles, crypts and creepy dwellings on a nightly basis for decades. But Paper Skeleton knows he’s not the star of “Return of the Ghoul Log.”

“I might be in the ghoul log business, but I was totally starstruck when I got on set before the cameras rolled and saw Jack O. Lantern,” Paper Skeleton said. “I tried not to show it, even though I did ask for his autograph, which was stupid because he was without a body in this particular show, so he didn’t have any hands to sign anything. He was a total pro, though. After he told me to bugger off, I hung myself from a push-pin on the wall behind him, and I got to work.”

Paper Skeleton can be seen in the video hanging stiff as a fossil on the wall behind Jack O. Lantern. Every now and then the die-cut decoration gasps in response to the fun jump-scares in the video (acting is reacting), raising a bony hand to his mouth to exemplify his astonishment (what a performance!). The video ghoul log is mostly light-hearted, with a variety of tricks and treats to not only create atmosphere, but to entertain those at Halloween parties in between conversation.

“I’d say we’re all pretty great at actually breaking up the conversation,” Paper Skeleton said. “We’re deliberately trying to surprise those who think this is just another flickering jack-o’-lantern on a TV screen. We’ve transformed the genre. And I play a critical role in that update. I hang there to make the jack-o’-lantern more effective, I move to make the jack-o’-lantern more effective, I gasp to make the jack-o’-lantern more effective -- I’m really great at hanging there to make the jack-o’-lantern more effective. In fact, my role of the hanging skeleton decoration is critical to that stupid pumpkin’s success. It's said that if you remove just one component in a machine, that machine doesn’t work? I’ll tell you what would work: Remove everything else but me from the video, give me my own video -- just me hanging there -- and that totally works like gangbusters. I’ll do the whole ghoul log myself. Forget that lazy, no-talent gourd. I’m the one everyone comes to see!”

And in the empty mind of a paper skeleton, a star is born.

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Aliens abducted, probed, (studied?), released humans

By Iwanna Beleeve
Staff Conspiracies Writer

When the guys from the Nightmare365 Podcast sign off each episode with their usual catch phrase “Stay spooky,” they might just be suggesting that you continue to ask the questions that have haunting answers. For example, did aliens really abduct Betty and Barney Hill back on that September night of 1961 while traveling an empty New Hampshire country road? We of the monster community tend to wonder if our alien friends really came across two strange human beings. Well, it’s not so uncommon for us to come across human beings, but why do humans have such a hard time believing in us? We’re everywhere!

Click and listen HERE to Matt and Greg dissect Betty and Barney’s story, and then decide if you believe the story that so many want to dispel.

And remember: STAY SPOOKY!

Friday, August 20, 2021

Famous Quotes: Carl the Vampire

“What is death without a little life? Someone’s life for breakfast, someone’s life for lunch, and a whole bunch of lives for dinner.”

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Famous Quotes: The Wicked Witch

“No matter how you feel, get up and wake the dead, dress up (in black, of course) and cast evil spells, show up and turn little kids into toads, and never give up until you’ve fixed all those little pretties real well.”

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Gill creature hitches ride on human cruise ship

As the headline up there states, a gill creature was spotted late last night aboard a luxury cruise liner. No bloodshed has been reported … yet, but the transatlantic journey between Europe and the Americas has just begun. The parents of the young creature, Gil and Fin Creature, were so proud to send their son off on his very first solo reign of terror yesterday evening. They saw him out to the end of the portal between the monster universe and the human world, and then they wept as he swam out to the giant ship and Spider-Man-crawled up the side and onto an empty deck. Mom and Dad were quick to point out where the young lad’s shark-proof crib cage used to float when he was a little sardine. And they stared a good hour at the lagoon where he once played with his toy soldiers and giant monsters. You feed ‘em, you raise ‘em, you put up with the teen years and their sneaking onto land in the middle of the day to create trouble for some picnicking couples, but nothing is harder than seeing the little fish go out into the world on their own for the first time to wreak havoc. Party over at Gil and Fin’s!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2021

Horror writer Richard Chizmar on the JLP Podcast

Horror writer Richard Chizmar spoke with the Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast during the Friday the 13th holiday (Joe Rogan, eat your heart out, buddy!). The episode dropped today, the same day Chizmar’s new book, “Chasing the Boogeyman,” became available for purchase. Check out both. 

The podcast is HERE

The book is HERE.

The artwork for both is down there . . .

Monday, August 16, 2021

Deadly train rolls on

A train carrying a crate that contained a frozen monster has been in the news. Sources indicate that the said monster sucked all the memories of the passengers onboard, just like in the 1972 film “Horror Express.” All passengers have reportedly perished. But that story is really not real. Don’t always believe what you read, hear, see, research or experience. Purchase tickets for the next trip now. On sale for cheap!

Friday, August 13, 2021

Jason Voorhees disappoints all

The slasher psycho who wields a machete on this day of all days was once a hero in the monster world and the human world alike. His assaults on misbehaving teens, especially women whom he chased and would easily catch when they totally expectedly tripped over nothing, has been regarded as pure evil, a maverick in his field. Jason Voorhees, however, has now been charged with harassing and assaulting at least a dozen women, and many worlds are in shock.

The Friday-the-13th killer’s accusers claim he gave unwanted chase, lifted them up by their necks and sliced and diced them inappropriately. This case is going to court, and fans of Jason said they didn’t see this coming.

“We always thought he was the coolest of all the slasher psychos,” said fanboy and fellow terrorizer Jigsaw. “I think I speak for so many others when I say that we are shocked and even ashamed to be in league with someone like that.”

Asked if he’d be resigning from his position at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason had no words. He simply hacked up reporters in that Jason-like way we all know, love and respect. It seems that until someone brings him down, Mr. Voorhees will be conducting business as usual on the lake. Make all camping arrangements through Jason’s monster world website at CampingToursToDieFor.mon. Happy Friday the 13th!

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Podcast Flashback: Sounds of Halloween

When asked to name the greatest albums of all time, one might suggest “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” by the Beatles, “Dark Side of the Moon” by Pink Floyd, “Pet Sounds” by the Beach Boys, “Thriller” by Michael Jackson or “A Night in a Haunted House, a Night in a Graveyard” by Haunted Sounds Music Company. And then there’s “Famous Ghost Stories! With Scary Sounds” by Wade Denning and “Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House” by Walt Disney Studios. There are so many classics that the Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast did an episode sharing some favorites and playing clips to make you shiver. This episode, in and of itself, is a classic and a work of art, one to get you right in the mood for the Halloween season. Check it out HERE.

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Hungry mayhem monkeys seen on the river banks

MONSTER ISLANDS -- A starving group of mayhem monkeys were spotted last night scrounging for something -- anything -- to eat on a Junk River river bank, about 20 miles from a human campsite where plenty of food could be found. If these monkeys were that desperate for something to eat, there was a marooned boat nearby. They were, in fact, very desperate. They ate the boat.

Monday, August 9, 2021

Famous Quotes: Frankenstein’s Monster

Papa always said life was like a stormy sky. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Friday, August 6, 2021

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

Cannibals in a hurry, too

MONSTER ISLANDS — Three cannibals were spotted yesterday at a track meet in the Cannibal Rainforest. They wanted fast food.

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Celebrate the beginning of the Halloween season with a timeless classic

WITCHES MEADOW -- With the Great Portals open between the monster universe and the human world following the Witching Hour Fest-evil on Sunday, monsters have been steadily crossing over to the human world in preparation for Halloween. The editors of JLP thought it appropriate to dig back into the archives of the Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast and revisit the time-honored episode from July 31, 2019, where hosts Michael Picarella and Tom Picarella visit the Witching Hour Fest-evil in Witches Meadow and share their favorite dungeon experiences. Click HERE to hear the show. And be sure to listen to all the latest episodes as well. The Picarella brothers are currently at work on episode 88, working very hard to bring the world of monsters and Halloween to your headphones or stereo or whatever system you use to listen to stuff. That’s right, there are currently 87 episodes! Mike and Tom have tussled tirelessly to bring these to you. They work regularly to create new content. They’re incessantly at work on these things. Except they haven’t been doing so much lately. They’re taking a little break. They’re pretty busy with other stuff. They’re getting around to new episodes. We’re not sure when the next one will drop, but it’s coming. As soon as they get around to it. They’re very busy.

Monday, August 2, 2021

Mayhem monkeys attack afternoon adventurers

MONSTER ISLANDS -- A small group of mayhem monkeys attacked a couple of human adventurers yesterday afternoon who were heading up the Junk River in a small fishing boat. These primates are dimwits. They stole the couple’s pogo stick and ate it, bounced up and down on their boat, and tried driving their picnic basket down the river.

Sunday, August 1, 2021

Pandemonium ensues during start of Halloween season

WITCHES MEADOW—The Halloween season began last night at midnight with the opening of the Great Portals during the annual Witching Hour Fest-evil. Creatures, ghosts and other what-have-yous from all 13 districts of Transylveinya had been packing into Spell Willows for nights to be the first to cross through the portals from the monster universe to the human world. These wicked haunters didn’t care to enjoy performances by the Phantom of the Opera, who performed his new organ album live at the event for the first time ever, nor did they care to give the Gorgan Sisters the time of night when they sang their popular “Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t Ma’ Boogie Man.” Reports state that there was no order leading up to the annual ritual of opening the Great Portals, no listening to others, no manners. In other words it was utter chaos and a fantastic way to start the Halloween season. Here we go! It’s Halloween time!