Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Biggest Witching Hour Fest ever!

By Jack O. Lantern
‘Head’ Writer/Editor

WITCHES MEADOW -- The monster revolution has begun.

A record number of creeps, ghosts, goblins and monsters started showing up for this year’s Witching Hour Fest-evil early yesterday evening in Spell Willows, and they’re eagerly awaiting the opening of the Great Portals tonight at midnight so they can cross through them, from the monster world and into the human world, in preparation for Halloween.

 “I just bought a copy of ‘Transylveinya Traveler: A Travel Guide for Monsters, Ghosts, Vampires, Aliens, Werewolves,Witches, Zombies, Demons … And Mad Scientists, Too,’ and even though I’m a monster and have lived in Transylveinya my whole afterlife, I discovered so much about my homeland that I never knew existed,” said The Creeper, a native and longtime haunter of the Black Lagoon. “It also inspired me to face my fears — and my other peers — and finally take a trip through the portals to the human world to celebrate Halloween the way it was meant to be celebrated, and that’s by scaring the crud out of people on their own turf.”

Tonight, Media Night, all of Transylveinya’s biggest and baddest monsters were out to pose for the papa-RAH!-zzi and other media before kicking off the Halloween season. And they took in the many activities and visited the dozens and dozens of booths the Fest-evil has to offer.

Here are some of the new additions to this year’s Witching Hour Fest-evil:

Zombie Booth: Fresh brains from grave to table.

Gremlins Tent: All those things you lost over the years (that’s the work of gremlins) can now be recovered here. Are you still looking for those keys that went missing, that orphan sock or that prized Price Club membership card from the 1980s? This booth has been drawing lines around the swamp all night.

Jack-o’-Lantern Park Shuttle: Due to numerous complaints last year about Uber/Lyft tractor rides not getting paying customers from Jack-o’-Lantern Park to the fest on time, werewolves implemented this new shuttle service to solve the problem. Now paying customers from The Park can get to the fest much faster. Just probably not in one piece.

Zoltar Five-Questions-Or-Less Fortune Reader: For years, hundreds of fest guests never got the chance to hear or have their fortunes read at the psychic tents. The lines were longer than those for the Gremlins Tent this evening, and unhappy monsters demanded five-questions-or-less lanes. Well, now they got it. A Zoltar machine with a limit of five questions is now open for business. Working soothsayers on the row, however, say there’s no future in it.

Drac and Van Back to Back: Due to space constraints at the Fest-evil grounds, a growing problem from year to year, Drac’s Blood Donation Station and Van Helsing’s School of Vampire Hunters shared a booth. This season, Helsing is offering money-back guarantees to those enrolled who do not find vampires.

“Yeah, the monster revolution has definitely begun,” said one of the witches who will be participating in the séances this evening. “It’s a new night, with lots of new fun here, and monsters are celebrating their evil. It’s really gonna be a great Halloween!”

And while Pennywise the clown and Godzilla were walking the green, muddy carpet, signing autographs and taking selfies with fans, the real excitement came earlier in the evening when the Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast showed up on the scene to record a new episode during the fest, which will post after the Great Portals open tonight. Make sure you subscribe so you can get the episode as soon as it drops. To check out the show on Apple Podcasts, click HERE. Those who use Spotify, click THIS. The podcast is also available elsewhere. Just search.

You’ll also want to check back with us here on This is our fifth season of stories. We’ll report news and entertainment here, as well as our latest podcast episodes, weekdays from now until October 31st. We’ll also be launching our newly-designed website very soon.

It’s time to MONSTER UP. The Halloween season is here!