Monday, August 1, 2022

Halloween season is here!

By Hal O. Weeniscoming

Staff Halloween Spirit Writer

Monsters, ghouls and goblins were more than excited to get the Halloween season started last night, according to Witches Meadow sorceresses.

Bewitched witches opened Transylveinya’s Great Portals right at midnight at Spell Willows in Transylveinya’s Witches Meadow during The Witching Hour Fest-evil, the annual event that’s highlighted by spells and chants that take place between 12 and 1 a.m. every July 31st (technically Aug. 1) in order to open up the pathway between now and Oct. 31 from the monster universe to the human world.

“Haunters from our side were stomping, clawing and flying over each other to get to the other side and begin preparations for Halloween,” said Hagatha, one of the witches who helped organize the evening’s opening ceremonies. “These creeps were so eager to slip inside human closets, under their beds and into the shadows that many forgot their own purpose in life — or afterlife.” 

Gil men and women took speed boats. 

Mummies weren’t dragging their feet. 

The Great Pumpkin bypassed pretty much every sincere pumpkin patch. 

Evil vehicles veered around bikers and pedestrians. 

Gorgons, with locked focus on where they were headed, turned no one to stone. 

Vampires went without blood. 

Ghosts forgot to boo. 

Zombies skipped pushcart salesmonsters peddling brains. 

Deadly spiders got in no one’s hair.

Killer bees buzzed no one’s head.

Evil geniuses set aside current plans to take over the world.

Killer tomatoes rolled around obstacles.

Graboids grabbed nothing.

Skeleton can-can girls couldn’t-couldn’t dance, but ran.

Werewolves forgot to howl at the full moon.

Black cats took the path straight on.

Terminator machines forgot to say they’d be back.

And giant apes, oversized insects and humongous reptiles passed up perfectly good skyscrapers. 

“Yup, it’s unsafe to say that the monsters of Halloween are headed to the human world with a vengeance,” Hagatha said. “Humans, beware. Halloween season is here!”