Review: 'Gremlins 2' a hoot!

This week in Jack-o’-Lantern Press, we cap off our celebration of the Halloween hootenanny with movie reviewer Dan Cook’s take on perhaps one of the greatest monster gatherings ever put on celluloid. This review originally appeared as part of Cook’s month of March “Monster Movie Madness” slate of articles.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)

Joe Dante’s 1984 horror comedy “Gremlins” is one of my all-time favorite Christmas movies, so I was very much looking forward to seeing its sequel. And the wait was most definitely worth it. 

While the original movie is a dark and twisted satire of the festive season with a surprising amount of violence and bloodshed, “Gremlins 2” instead serves as a light-hearted riff on everything from television, science, art, media empires and even cinema itself, while also ramping up the comedy and the slapstick, and it turns the funny but once creepy little blighters into comedic geniuses. 

Moving away from the quaint town of Kingston Falls, “Gremlins 2” sees the photoallergic beasts laying siege to a ludicrously advanced New York skyscraper where they pose a potentially serious hazard to the rest of the city if unleashed. 

The human cast, which includes returning regulars Phoebe Cates and Zach Gilligan, as well as some new faces such as John Glover, Haviland Morris, Robert Prosky and Christopher Lee, all do good and very humorous work here — particularly Lee, who shines here as Dr. Cushing Catheter, a mad biological scientist with a passion for both diseases and firearms. 

However, it is of course the cackling critters that steal the show, and every second spent with them is pure anarchic joy — from the crazy-eyed Daffy to the suave bespectacled “Brain” gremlin, hilariously voiced by Tony Randall. What an absolute treat to end my month of monster movie madness.

Dan Cook is a movie reviewer on Letterboxd, and he also posts his reviews on Facebook. He’s a self-proclaimed film fanatic, avid reader and retro gamer who lives in Dudley, England, with his wife, Sam, and their two daughters.

Review: 'Van Helsing' not great, but great fun

This week in Jack-o’-Lantern Press, we’ve been enjoying the Halloween hootenanny. Today, movie reviewer Dan Cook puts a somewhat more recent monster mash-up under his microscope for examination.

Van Helsing (2004)

Having breathed new life into “The Mummy” with his critically panned yet highly profitable action double bill (1999, 2001), director Steven Sommers was then given the chance to resurrect the rest of Universal's most famous movie monsters. Thus was born “Van Helsing,” his 2004 CGI-heavy creature feature that may not have the best performances, visual effects or overall story, but is still a surprisingly entertaining throwback to the monster mash films of the ‘40s and ‘50s. 

Beginning with a highly effective black and white sequence depicting the awakening of Frankenstein’s inhuman creation (Shuler Hensley), the movie then gains color to follow Hugh Jackman’s titular antihero who has been tasked by the Vatican to rid the world of evil beings. With the help of a beautiful Romanian princess (Kate Beckinsale), an ingenious yet cowardly friar (David Wenham) and an arsenal of technologically advanced weaponry, Helsing journeys to the foggy climes of Transylvania where he must prevent Richard Roxburgh’s Count Dracula from unleashing a terrible fate on the human population. 

Roxburgh is clearly having a great deal of fun here playing the bloodthirsty vampire, and his flamboyant performance is a welcomed contrast to those of Jackman and Beckinsale whose supposed romantic chemistry is almost as unbelievable as their wavering accents. It’s a wonderfully over-the-top turn from the esteemed Australian actor and his melodramatic line delivery, which perfectly fits in with the exaggerated nature of the production design and hyper-realized narrative that attempts to blend elements of action, science fiction and horror with decidedly mixed results. 

Unfortunately, however, the talents of Roxburgh, the craft of the set designs and the visual excesses of Sommer’s gothic vision are often undermined by unconvincing computer effects, nonsensical editing, Jackman’s wholly uninteresting central performance and a plethora of two-dimensional archetypes who are given little to no character development or emotional motivation. 

The movie is far from perfect. In fact, it’s pretty damn rubbish and it’s not hard to see why. Even after 18 years, it continues to receive negative reviews from both audiences and critics. However, despite its many problems and against my better judgment, I found “Van Helsing” to be an affectionate, if not overlong tribute to the classic monster match-ups of old, and it should definitely appeal to those who, like myself, regularly enjoy the sight of actors such as Lon Chaney Jr. and Glenn Strange battling in the moonlight under many pounds of caustic make-up.

Dan Cook is a movie reviewer on Letterboxd, and he also posts his reviews on Facebook. He’s a self-proclaimed film fanatic, avid reader and retro gamer who lives in Dudley, England, with his wife, Sam, and their two daughters.

Music makes the difference

By Hal Hoot & Anne Eek Staff Hootenanny Writers

A recent Harvard study found that music improves your health and well-being. 

“Halloween Hootenanny,” then, the 1998 Halloween rock album from Zombie A Go-Go Records, featuring an opening track about the hootenanny from none other than horror host Zacherle, might actually cause harm.

Yes!

According to monsters everywhere, “Halloween Hootenanny” is a great place to start when bringing monsters together for a ruckus good time.

Rob Zombie has a cool track on the album called “Halloween (She’s So Mean),” The Reverend Horton Heat offers a fun one called “The Halloween Dance,” and The Swingin’ Neckbreakers sing “No Costume, No Candy,” reminding trick-or-treaters about the all important rule of the costume. 

If relaxing music has the power to lower blood pressure and heart rate after physical exertion, as the said Harvard study indicated, improving mood and reducing anxiety through bringing people together, ultimately serving as an antidote to loneliness and social isolation, then “Halloween Hootenanny” should ramp up those anxieties and help bring more monsters to you, ultimately serving as an antidote to your safety and also social isolation.

Check it out now on Spotify, on YouTube, or wherever else you might find music.

Summon monsters for a ‘hoot!’

By Hal Hoot & Anne Eek

Staff Hootenanny Writers

This week in Jack-o’-Lantern Press, we’ll be shining a little shadow on Halloween Hootenannies — the monster party! 

We begin today with words to actually summon monsters to come out and play. It’s the words from the 1983 film “Cujo” that little Tad and his dad used to keep monsters out of Tad’s bedroom.

These words are powerful. Go ahead, read them aloud and host your own Halloween hootenanny …

“Monsters, stay out of this room! You have no business here. No monsters under Tad’s bed! You can’t fit under there. No monsters hiding in Tad’s closet! It’s too small in there. No monsters outside of Tad’s window! You can’t hold on out there. No vampires, no werewolves, no things that bite! You have no business here. Nothing will touch Tad, or hurt Tad, all this night. You have no business here!”

Let the hootenannies begin!