Rays fired during flying saucer pursuit, alien arrested

UFO SPRINGS -- An alien is facing charges after a UFO chase with deputies through Podtown last night. At around 11 p.m., UFO Springs authorities got word of a 2017 XMYT-UR flying saucer spinning crop circles on Old McDonald’s Farm. Officer mutants caught up to the spacecraft shortly after the call and pursued it through the night, exchanging ray gun blasts intermittently. While crossing through Podtown at unheard of speeds (the speed of sound), the saucer lit up several human pods that were just about ready to hatch. “The pods came from a fresh batch of bodies we’d just snatched earlier in the evening,” said a Podtown official who wishes to have no name. “Yeah, we’re pressing charges.” The alien flying the saucer said he felt he was being profiled by authorities and demanded that someone step forward to give him legal assistance.

Zombie bite goes viral

SHADOW CITY -- A zombie infected someone with the zombie virus earlier this evening in the 600 block of Boogie Man’s Bend. Then the infected one infected another, the three of them infected more, the bites multiplied and multiplied. By press time, it had gone viral.