Creature's new home infested with people

By Al “Things” Green

Staff Night Creatures Writer

A new body of water in a Southern California city, which the Creature from the Black Lagoon has been calling home since last week, is infested with humans.

Upon investigation, the Creature learned the pests were coming from a large structure only steps away from where he was bedding down each day.

“They’ve been pestering me with harpoons and Taylor Swift music,” the Creature told reporters last night. “And when I looked further, it turns out they’ve set up some kind of living quarters in that structure and dubbed it Marriott, and they spend days and nights outside my domicile scurrying about, discussing the next day’s visit to Disneyland and taking dips in my living room.”

The Creature tried scaring the humans away by lunging at them when they invaded his residence and even attacking them on their own ground, and they seem to have fled for the time being. But they may still be in the area.

“Out of nowhere, one of these things attacked me with a toy Star Wars lightsaber,” the Creature said. “Not cool. I gave him a fin to the face. I might’ve injured him, but I’m pretty sure he’s still out there.”

Officials warn creatures in neighboring pools to exercise extreme caution. These people are dangerous. If you smell Coppertone or hear what sounds like break-up music, you might want to contact your local people control expert for a plan.