Tickets now available for deadly voyage through liquid space

By Jack O. Lantern “Head’ Writer/Editor

MONSTER ISLANDS — Join the Jack-o’-Lantern Press Podcast for a voyage through liquid space on this Monster Monday. First-Class tickets are cheap and the U.S.S. JLP submarine is now boarding wherever you listen to podcasts. 

This is the first in-monster cruise since before the pandemic. As we return to “normal,” be assured that all abnormal cruise members and guests must be vaccinated, all surfaces aboard the water vessel are disinfected every 666 seconds and Halloween masks are mandatory. That’s because Paradise Cruise Services has your safety as their No. 1 priority. And that’s too bad because that defeats the purpose of the cruise, which is why this particular voyage to “paradise” is going to dive into even deadlier waters, where guests will face off with a variety of bloodthirsty water monsters in oceans and seas, lakes and rivers and swamps. Bad luck to you!

Click HERE to take the voyage on Apple podcasts.

All you Spotify explorers click HERE.

It’s Monster Monday. You’ve made it through Transylveinya to the Monster Islands Docks. Time to get your sea legs (no land lovers here). Your skippers welcome you aboard the U.S.S. JLP. Once inside the submarine, make yourself uncomfortable in Cabin 13. Next stop: THE UNKNOWN.

Multiple brutal slayings discovered

By Jack O. Lantern

‘Head’ Writer/Editor

WITCHES MEADOW -- A werewolf pleaded guilty this evening for the grisly slashing and slicing of several vampires who were found bleeding profusely all over Spell Willows. Hordes of zombies ate out the gory innards of a giant tarantula a few logs down, three mole people were found screaming in a burning car near Coven Creek -- probably the work of the Red Devil -- and an army of aliens probed, tortured and then buried a mummy family alive in a marsh just south of Witch Way Caves. It’s Media Night, and those bleeding vampires, the torn-apart giant tarantula, the torched mole people, the buried mummy family, their predators and other monsters, ghouls and goblins are, as you'd imagine, having a blast as the fun and games are just beginning in preparation for the Witching Hour festivities tomorrow night at midnight, when our favorite witches open the Great Portals for creatures of the night to enter and cross over into the human world for the Halloween season. Jack-o’-Lantern Press was there to meet many of the terrorizers to haunt this year and to get the scoop on some of what’s planned for All Hallow's Eve. It’s gonna be a big one for 2018 -- the monster revolution is upon us. More slippery carnage and joyous tragedy is still on the way. #MonsterRevolution

Two-Headed Lion’s Head Inn being used for good, not evil

By The Invisible Man

Contributor to the JLP

MAD SCIENCE DISTRICT -- The rooms in the Two-Headed Lion’s Head Inn are meant for mad scientists to conduct work of terror. According to sources, however, some geniuses are using the spaces for good.

As with almost anything that has bad intentions, there will always be monsters out there taking advantage of these tools of evil and using them for rightdoing.

“We stocked the place up with human guests and servants,” said innkeeper H.G. Hell, “who are careless and who meddle, and police who are right down the street who are there to serve, protect and obey, and who also love to meddle. These folks are trained to go up to the rooms to help out, deliver food or to, you know, meddle, and some of our guests are hiding their horrors. They don’t release their terror on these fools. And we can’t help but wonder why not.”

Hell said one of his guests actually offered an employee at the inn a seat in his chamber for dinner because, as he claimed, he was lonely.

“Can you believe that?” Hell said. “In what day and age are we living in when a mad scientist offers perfectly sane kindness? I’m sickened and I’m saddened by the whole stupid affair.”

But do-gooders, such as the one mentioned above, who offered a seat in his chamber to an inn employee for dinner, might just have perfectly bad intentions. One source that wishes to remain anonymous brought up the story of Dr. Frankenstein.

“The media came out with books and movies and news,” the source said, “about how Frankenstein was a scientist trying to do good, and it all just backfired on him with his creation inflicting horror on the whole village. Monsters all over Transyl-vein-ia took these lies and ran with them, claiming Dr. Frankenstein was a fake and a hack. And then they ran him out of town on a rail. But they got Dr. Frankenstein all wrong. He never meant to advance science. His intentions were always to release horror on the village. And guess what? His experiment was a huge success. And he changed monstering for an entire industry.”

Jack-o’-Lantern Press talked to some of the humanitarians staying at the Two-Headed Lion’s Head Inn and asked if the media and monsters all over Transyl-vein-ia had gotten them all wrong as they’d done with Frankenstein. One individual we talked to, who offered his entire meal and room to a family very much in need of a good, hearty meal after being left out in the cold for months on end with very little to eat, had this to say:

“No, I intended to be a good mad scientist and share my love with others,” he admitted. “And if you don’t like it, come on up to my room and see what I’ll do to you . . . I’ll invite you in for some lovely crumpets and tea!”