Headless Horseman may never return to monster world

By Icabod Crane

Contributor to the JLP

JACK-O’-LANTERN PARK -- The Headless Horseman is optimistic about making his annual trip into the human world’s Sleepy Hollow via the portal found in Headless Horseman Bridge in Pumpkin Hollow between the monster world and the human world, while at the same time publicly acknowledging what has been obvious for some time, that he might never return.

According to mad scientists, all portals between the monster world and the human world will close for good on Halloween, the night that Headless will ride through Sleepy Hollow and chase some poor soul to his or her doom.

“We don’t know what the future holds,” Headless’s agent said, “but we do know this: If the portal doesn’t open back up to the monster world, then that means Headless will finally be able to ride through that covered bridge and finish what he sets out to do every October 31st. He’ll be able to ride through the bridge and not get sucked into the portal, and he’ll finally get the head he so desires to replace the pumpkin head on his shoulders now -- no offense to pumpkin heads.”

While Headless seems more than thrilled about the idea of the portals closing so he can get his head, once he does get it, he’ll have to remain in the human world forever, which is not ideal, especially since it’ll be difficult to hide among so many humans, unless he conceals himself in the trunk of a tree like the horseman did in that fictitious Tim Burton movie about a headless horseman that is in no way related to the real one.

Headless was peppered with questions during a news conference this morning, and he kept repeating the same thing.

“Mrrah ha ha ha ha ha!” he said over and over again.

At the end of the conference, the goblin rider rose in his stirrups and hurled his head at all the fake news organizations in attendance, excluding this fake news source. Everyone fled the scene, and on and around the chairs were found reporter’s notebooks and writing utensils, audio recorders and --  you guessed it -- a shattered pumpkin. And what a waste of a perfectly good pumpkin.