By T.V. Killznweluvit
Staff En-terror-tainment
Writer
It’s
not every day you can say you’re going to get a chance to burn at the stake,
and so TV horror movie hostess (with the mostest) Elvira must be thrilled.
According
to sources, the movies she presents on her program are so awful and her puns so
terrifying that local angry mobs are going to set her ablaze like a good
old-fashioned witch tomorrow night right here in Trasyl-vein-ia.
“She’s
being persecuted -- not for witchcraft,” said mob leader Bernall Demwichiss,
“but rather for causing mass hysteria for the terrible, low budget horror films
she introduces on her show. We feel it’s time she gets the star treatment.
She’s been admired around here for so long.”
Elvira
wasn’t available to comment for this story, but friends said she’s honored and
deeply humbled, and she thanks the angry mob that selected her for the burning.
Critics
predict she’ll be up for another persecution next year based solely on the
line-up of bad B-movies she plans to host this coming year. Monsters can
hardly wait.
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