By Phil Thandgrime
Staff Dirt Writer
Zoltar,
the fortune-teller from the fortune-telling machine made popular in the 1988
movie “Big,” was seen courting the Esmeralda machine early yesterday evening.
According
to sources, Esmeralda is not happy with The Swami, whom she’s been serious with
since their carnival moved from New Jersey to New York about a month ago. Zoltar, one source added, has what she wants.
“That
Zoltar is no good,” read a card that spit out of the “Grandma’s Predictions”
fortune-telling booth. (This machine doesn't talk.) “I predict he’ll move on to someone else in the very,
very near future.”
While
skeptics of the new fling are fewer than those who believe that Zoltar
and Esmeralda are a new item, The Swami had nothing to say. Someone pulled his
plug and is sending him off to be sold at an auction somewhere.
“We
think he’ll sell for at least $5,000,” said fortune machine collector Josh
Baskin. “But that’s not the point. The point is that Zoltar is the one who
should be worried because, only yesterday, I saw Esmeralda getting friendly
with an automaton.”
Esmeralda
called Baskin a liar.
“All
an automaton cares about is his writing and drawing career,” she said. “I want someone
who’s deeper than that. Zoltar doesn’t do it for me either. As soon as I find
my honey The Swami, who has waaaay more messages for the paying public than
Zoltar, we’re getting married. And then you’ll see. We're meant to be together. I should know -- I'm a fortune-teller.”
Zoltar
denied any involvement with Esmeralda as well.
“The
opinion which other people have is their problem, not mine and not yours,” he told this reporter. “I’m only interested in sharing wisdom. Give Zoltar more
coins. I have much wisdom to share with you.”
I ran out of money before getting
anything else out of Zoltar, but he was later seen sharing a Spook House buggy
with Madame Cassandra, the fortune-telling machine normally stationed at the other end of the
carnival midway.
Time will tell all. Give
the JLP more coins. And we’ll have more
wisdom to share with you, too.
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