By The Lunchbox Ghost
Staff Out-To-Lunch Writer
For
years, the Haunted Mansion has claimed to have 999 happy haunts. According to a
recent audit, however, only 57 ghosts actually reside there.
The
mansion’s membership manager, I.L. Beeseeinu, was fired yesterday for skewing
numbers.
“He
was a good guy,” said longtime mansion resident Madame Leota, the head in the
crystal ball who’s been raising the dead since the mansion became haunted over
four decades ago. “But I kinda figured he was fudging the numbers. The place has
felt a lot quieter over the years and, I have to admit, it’s been tougher
trying to awaken spirits wherever they dwell. There just aren’t that many
around anymore.”
Auditors
said they attribute the dwindling population to all the hitchhiking ghosts
getting rides.
“People
aren’t afraid of ghosts like they used to be,” said Al Wayscrutinizing, the
lead auditor in the recent audit of the mansion. “They think the ghosts are
cute and they actually want to take
them home. So they pick ‘em up. And they’ve been picking ‘em up for years.”
Beeseeinu
didn’t comment for this story because he hasn’t been seen since he was fired.
“He’s
a ghost,” Leota said. “He hasn’t been seen because ghosts are invisible.”
Needless
to say, the mansion is looking for a new membership manager who will not only
post true membership numbers, but who will also boost membership. Those
interested can apply at BringBackThe999.mon.
No comments:
Post a Comment