Get ‘Gorlocked’ in Dark Woods

By The Evil Hare

Contributor to the JLP

Where are those Gorlocks going? Curiosity killed the cat. And isn’t that why you came and sat?

        

Try a poisonous apple, the Big Bad Werewolf waits for you to arrive. Follow those Gorlocks into the woods that’re alive. Then down the Fountain of Fear. Down, down, down . . . You’re sick to your stomach as you spin roun’, roun’, roun’.

        

It gets curiouser and curiouser the deeper you fall. Three blind rats and three big hogs, a wooden boy with splinters and all. The Mole Man in the Moon. Old Mother Hubbard stuck in that cupboard.

        

“Hush-a-bye, baby,” the old lady sings. On the treetop, the cradle she flings. The bough breaks, the cradle falls. Down comes baby, who gets up and calls. Not for help, but for more.

        

More, more, more. A bigger spider to sit down beside her. A grizzly bear for Goldilocks’ lair. A duckling so hideously out of sight! And Mr. McGregor’s poisonous garden—have a bite.

Through the doorway down below, the ant and the grasshopper talk. The ant with his corn for winter, the grasshopper with not. So the grasshopper eats the ant. And the sheep in wolf’s clothing eats all the wolves.

The genie in the lamp is something to be seen. He grants you three nightmares, and only three, if you please. The Beast and The Beauty—the monster tears her to shreds. Now that’s a sleeping beauty, if ever one dreads.

Elves run rampant. Run with them, too. Follow them up the beanstalk, and join The Giant in his stew. Back down you go, what a throw, into the house of cake, Ding Ding!  Meet The Green Witch. What sweet treats she has to bring, bring.

Here comes The Prince on his white horse, with a glass slipper and a kiss. Let him climb Rapunzel’s hair, see what he finds there in the mist. A dragon. The Dragon. He thought he saw The Dragon. It is. Join the green monster and take the brat down. Down with him, down with him, down with them all.

But a sword, The King’s Son draws, and he slays and slays . . .

Did you think this would have a happy ending? This isn’t that kind of fairy tale, so tall. Up above the world, so bright, those twinkling little stars are bats’ eyes at night. The Rain Man shows, and down the rain does drop. You’ve just been paid a visit by a Dark Woods Gorlock.