Transyl-vein-a elects president . . . kinda

By Werewolf Blitzer

Staff Pol-“It”-ical Writer

DOWNTOWN TRANSYL-VEIN-IA -- Transyl-vein-ia was supposed to elect a new president last Nov. 1, but monsters were too tired or distracted following Halloween festivities and forgot all about it, and as a result, Count Dracula, last night, appointed “his truly” to fill the spot. He's the new president.

Our former leader, the Electrified Creature, who got an extra year out of his presidency due to the failed election last year, told Jack-o’-Lantern Press that he was happy to give up his electric chair.

“I’m tired of being the ruler of the creep world,” the Electrified Creature said in statement he issued last night following the news of Drac’s self-appointed presidency. “If he thinks he can make Transyl-vein-ia a more terrifying place to live and scare, I wish him all the bad luck he can get.”

Transyl-vein-ians had a choice between five candidates on the ballot last year. Jason the slasher psycho, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Wolfman and Count Dracula all had strong platforms. A national poll in mid-October showed the slasher psycho was in the lead.

However, none of that matters now because, in the dead of the night, the world’s leading bloodsucker moved his coffin and a few dump trucks full of Carpathian Mountain dirt into the Fright House at 1666 Transyl-vein-ia Ave. in Downtown Transyl-vein-ia and set up shop.

“I’m the new king,” he told reporters this morning before the sun came up. “Since we don’t have any real form of government here, no monster can really do anything about it. If they’d like, they can run for office in four years to change how things work around here. Until then, I call the shots around here. And right now a shot of B12 sounds mighty tasty.”

Dracula’s running mates had little to say on the matter. The Wolfman growled, Frankenstein’s Monster groaned, the Creature from the Black Lagoon gurgled and Jason the slasher psycho doesn’t even talk.

"The Frankenstein Monster calls me master, anyway," President Count Dracula said.

So that’s that. Hail to the new chief. Already, the new president is asleep on the job. Fright House officials suggest he’ll awake when the sun goes down this evening.