By The Crazed Scientist
Special Events Writer
MAD
SCIENCE DISTRICT -- A trip into the future has brought news of trouble this
Halloween.
According
to The Frantic Scientist, who built a time machine and demonstrated it last
night during this week’s Annual Mad Science Convention at the Mad Science
Convention Center, monsters who are traveling to the human world this Halloween
will be unable to get back following the holiday.
“I
went into the future and saw exactly what happens,” Frantic said. “The portals
between our worlds do not re-open and cannot be re-opened, and hundreds of
thousands of monsters are stuck living with humans forever.”
According
to no one else but Frantic, the threat is very, very real. No studies, no
research and no second opinions.
“And
we’re to believe that that stupid thing with a spinning satellite dish on the
back is actually capable of time travel?” asked The Sour Scientist, who was a
little more than skeptical when he saw the display and heard the news late last
night. “What are we supposed to do, not deploy monsters into the human world
for Halloween, pull out all our operatives who are already there, call off All
Hallows’ Eve for the first time ever, not scare anyone again? This is
ridiculous. Something like this has never happened before, why would it happen
now?”
Some
rationalize that monsters can simply scare during the early hours of the night
on Halloween, and just leave for the monster world before the portals close up for
good, as Frantic reported, at 10:30 p.m. STT (Standard Transyl-vein-ia Time).
“Why
take a chance?” asked The Turbulent Scientist. “I’ll be able to carry out
plenty of my plans by 10:30.”
Frantic
argued that all monsters going through the portals at the same time would jam
them up, so The Turbulent Scientist’s greed, he said, to conduct her scares for
Halloween shouldn’t sway others from acting foolishly.
“Mortals
are expected to be foolish,” he said. “We shouldn’t be. But it doesn’t matter
anyway. I’ve seen the future and it can’t be altered. It is what it is. A lot
of you won’t listen and you’ll be trapped over there. I’ll be here looking for
ways to make money off my discoveries. I’ve already got a book deal going, so .
. .”
The
convention floor has since divided, pitting those hitting the panic button on
portal travel up against those calling Frantic’s claims a frantic hoax.
“I
mean, look at the guy’s body of work,” The Sour Scientist said. “He’s tried and
failed to take over the world over a dozen times. I say we all stick to our
current Halloween plans, and show that we don’t buy into this ‘Frantic’
nonsense.”
Frantic
later told skeptics not to listen to Sour, who has also, along with everyone
else in the room, tried and failed to take over the world well over a dozen
times.
“Don’t
be Sour,” he yelled. “Be like me -- I’m Frantic. And I’m not panicking here.
I’m responding based on real science.”
Frantic
tried to take others into the future so they could see for themselves what
awaits, but the eyes his time machine uses to navigate through time stopped
being able to see and wouldn’t allow him to take other trips.
“I
bought these human eyeballs at the local Evil-More Shopping Mart the other day
for my machine,” Frantic said, “and it looks like it’s a bad batch. No worries,
though, I heard there’s a sale on other eyeballs now. I’ll just run along and
get some more.”
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