Friday, August 21, 2020

We have an election

By Werewolf Blitzer

Staff Pol-“IT”-ical Writer 

President Count Dracula is up for re-election, and this time around, despite wanting all the power in the previous election, and due to the presidency being “a lot of fargin’ work,” he chose a running mate. On the ballot with him is the Monster’s Mate. To contest “duttt mmmrrrfffing toxic union,” Frankenstein’s Monster decided to run, but no monster could really understand his mumblings, so they knocked him down to the vice president slot (VPs don’t do anything anyway), and the Invisible Man, who developed anger issues as a result of using Monocane while experimenting with invisibility, is naturally pissed off and a shoe in to debate “that arrogant a-hole” Drac because Drac is, well, sometimes an arrogant a-hole. These are the issues. Forget about the good and bad of the nation.

Mortal combat will begin soon. Vote for Prez and Vice Prez this Halloween.

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