Werewolftown ‘Rot Spots’ -- see the best moonrises in the world

By Lyle Canthrope
Staff Werewolf Writer

You can be pure at heart and say your prayers by night, but if a werewolf bites you, that’s that. You're locked into the lifestyle, plain and simple. And there’s no better place to be than Werewolftown. The moonrises there are especially haunting.

When you cross over the border, Werewolftown looks and feels like your everyday high school football community. Stop by the Silver Bullet Pub and Beastro in Werewolf Run Square, and you’ll see how the locals are proud of their Blue Moon High School Wolves, with pennants, trophies and pictures of past teams covering the walls.

If you arrive on a full moon night (and it's recommended that you visit on a full moon night), you can enjoy happy hour at the pub. Listen to the largest collection of Howlin’ Wolf blues records, throw darts and savor the biggest, juiciest triple-patty burgers with over 50 ounces of beef done up “werewolf style.” Don’t worry, at the Silver Bullet, they don’t believe in cooking your burgers until they’re rare and ultimately ruined. They think it’s a sin to burn the meat. They serve ‘em up fresh.

Then, once that full moon begins its ascent into the sky, step out into Werewolf Run Square and participate in the world-famous running of the werewolves, where lycanthropes are lead through the streets and into the Moors. Most folks don’t last five minutes of the run before something bites them. Even if you don’t participate in the running of the werewolves, there’s a 95-percent chance a werewolf will chomp on you before you can spend even 30 minutes in town.

The bad news is a werewolf bite doesn’t necessarily mean you’re infected with the werewolf’s curse of the pentagram. If something bites you, take the opportunity to check yourself out at the Werewolftown Moonmorial Hospital. There they’ll patronize you about your bite, saying there are “no animals that could do that in these parts.” Go along with the gag. It’s routine. Then do what they say so they can test your blood and your brain.

The good news is that when you wake up from the tests, you’ll have the curse in your blood, guaranteed. As stated previously, not all werewolf bites infect you. Sometimes the bite isn’t deep enough. Sometimes the werewolf’s saliva doesn’t get into your blood stream. Sometimes a werewolf’s teeth are so caked with dirt or other victims’ flesh that it has no chance of getting into your body. So the wonderful doctors at Moonmorial will inject it into you while you’re out for their pretty ridiculous tests.

Once you’re cursed, be prepared to run, but not for the reasons you might expect. There’s a common misconception that werewolves are on the run because they’re in search of a mad doctor to cure them. Some think werewolves are hunting down the werewolf that cursed them in hopes that if they kill that lycanthrope, their curse will be lifted. That kind of thing only happens in the movies for dramatic reasons. It’s pure poetic license.

In real life, werewolves just like to run. Think of your everyday household wolf or even a puppy dog. They don’t know where they’re going. They’re just following their nose to the next snack. That’s all werewolves do. The sniff, they taste, they eat and they destroy. It’s fun. And if that’s your goal, Werewolftown has the meats.

That’s right, once you’ve got that werewolf nose, you’ll find you can snoop out some of the best quality meat the world has to offer right here in Werewolftown. In the Lamb Fields deep in the Moors, your journey begins.

This is one in a series of TRAVEL STORIES from the 13 districts of Transyl-vein-ia. These stories run weekdays between August and September. Jack-o’-Lantern Press’s regular news and entertainment coverage will continue in October.